woke up at seven today, which actually isn't a failure on my part, or my alarm clocks' (yes, i have four of them, none of which usually get the job done) part. I am actually officially done with my project, and have been ever since last thursday. I, in fact, no longer need to get up at five thirty.
I'm just not sure if i like getting up late anymore.
As i've said earlier, losing two hours of the night--my peak--absolutely sucks. But if it means i have that much more time in the morning, i'm not sure i'm ready to change back to the way things were. For once it's like i actually have it together; i was leaving the house at seven fifteen or seven twenty and getting to school fifteen or twenty minutes before i needed to be, not to mention i was more relaxed and ready to open my head and let my brains ooze out every morning. today and yesterday morning were both rushed, like they always used to be, and i'm not sure that i like it anymore.
but i don't want to go to bed a ten anymore either.
I keep telling myself that i'll find some sort of balance, but i haven't yet so far, although i have to say both today and yesterday, despite staying up till midnight, i managed to wake up a whole six hundred seconds earlier than i usually would-- i can only attribute that to my body having gotten used to its new schedule.
And then there's also the problem of relaxation.
in the morning is fine and all, and it is indeed a good way to start my day, and i like it; but... there's school hanging over my head. at nights there's absolutely nothing; just dishes and then a vague 'i should probably sleep sometime soon' feeling around 11:30. i can relax, as it were, without any kind of solid deadline or responsibility. the only problem with this is, if i go to bed at ten, and dinner/dishes/homework takes until ten or even nine thirty, there's not really any time to do the things i want to do, e.g. minecraft, borderlands, or, as of yesterday (and the reason i was up at twelve forty finishing my second draft for creative writing), mass effect. because with any of those games, you start to play and half an hour later isn't enough-- you're just really getting started. and on monday i reach a sort of boiling point. my homework took me way longer than i expected, i was tired from monday track workout (which, if you don't know, is the hardest of the week), i still had the draft to do, which i'd forgotten about, and on top of that the sink was, yet again, full of dishes that i didn't want to do. oh yeah, and i was supposed to do some blog entry somewhere...
And i'm sort of weird: i have a really, really long fuse, but once it reaches the end, i get really mad or really frustrated really quickly over really tiny things. really, i do (sorry, couldn't resist). monday was the end of my fuse. so as it happened i persevered till the end of my math and physics, then just said screw it all and went and did whatever the hell i felt like for however long i felt like doing it for. and that was why, when i came to my senses at around twelve or so, i still hadn't done the dishes, the blog, or the draft, and had to settle with just the draft.
and i'm not sure how i got on this subject but sometimes you really just need to say something, and i guess this was one of those sometimeses.
so, as some sort of lame follow up, i don't know what'll happen timewise for me. i think probably i'll just go back to the way i was, but some of me, quite a large chunk, actually, wants to keep my mornings just as the other side wants the nights. I don't know, we'll see.
I do have one more entry, so maybe this'll all be clearer tomorrow.
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